My friends, they love my intelligence
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
third nipple confirmed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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