i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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