Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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