You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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