I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
