he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
