Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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