I can tuck mytits in my pants
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
