i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
