I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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