matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
