She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize