And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
