i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
