I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
