I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
