I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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