I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize