wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
