Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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