I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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