I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
