Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
