my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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