and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my poor anus
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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