my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
