When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
