he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize