summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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