alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
