says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
