I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
