jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
