Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
