I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I believe in your delicious
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
