I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize