Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
