Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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