pedialite and red bull = repair kit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its liver damage thursday
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