And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Found the puke drawer
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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