I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
