well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
this will be a night to untag.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
