just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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