It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
