I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
