Tell her she can't have a vagina
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
