im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
