Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
