Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
