Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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