i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
