I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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