OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
