I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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