This girl is more easily done than said...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
