i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
