help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
