am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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