I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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