she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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