Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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