my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
