just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
