YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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