Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
