Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
