my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My vagina just recognized that song.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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