she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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