i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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