I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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