saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
