piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize