ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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