it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
