420 ftw
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
