All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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