call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
