We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
