she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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