I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
His nipple licking is glorious
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