Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
