Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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