Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
