I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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