She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
