I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize