Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
