threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
