If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
