Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
