I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
