Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I can text with my tongue
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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