I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
